Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
