we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
