It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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