Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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