You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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