If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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