I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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