turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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