I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
