she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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