I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
