Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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