Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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