I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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