just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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