you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
