Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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