Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
