How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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