dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
