whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
