There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
