Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
