Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
