When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
