are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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