there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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