Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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