Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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