I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
