is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
