im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
