Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
