Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
