tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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