He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We're too hungover to prance.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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