Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
