i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize