i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
