you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
