i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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