i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you never un-have a 4some
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
