last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You are the jesus of drinking
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
