brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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