Its about making memories worth repressing
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
