also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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