We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
