apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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