he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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