pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Randomize
