btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
