yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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