I just saw a hot homeless man
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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