I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
