): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
