She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
