I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
