i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
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