How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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