I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
