Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
