Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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