This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
