i permit you to call me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize