No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
