her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
