so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
