new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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