Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i out mim tonsoeep
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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