so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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