Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
