You can't special order awesome
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
