the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
