and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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