Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
